Hate Me
by LovinoRomaVargas
Summary: Romano had to leave, how could he not hate him by now? / "You deserve better than me. Someone that will love you, not push you away…" Inspired By: Hate Me-Blue October. /RE-UPLOAD/


Romano lay in his bed, his eyes red and puffy from the tears that fell from them, every now and then he would glance at the phone, but then an overwhelming sadness would fill him. He was pathetic. He did this to himself, and yet, he still wished for it not to be like this…But he had to do it, it just wasn't right, for him to be this selfish. His vision went blurry as a memory came to him and he thought about what could have been, as quickly as the tears came, they dried. He pushed the thought out of his mind, telling himself he shouldn't think of the past, it would only upset him more. He glanced back at the phone even though he said he shouldn't His heart was still hoping it would ring.

His eyes darted to the picture frame beside the phone, reaching over with a trembling hand to put the frame down, the last thing he needed was to see that picture. It would only remind him of his loneliness. He felt his eyelids grow heavy and he started to drift away, slowly calming.

_"Te Amo Lovi~" a soft whisper was heard, and he almost smiled, almost. A frown formed on his face, as he turned over, facing away from the Spaniard. He felt arms wrap around him, holding him closely, in a warm embrace. He didn't acknowledge the other, only giving a soft sigh, and only once he knew the Spaniard was asleep did he allow himself to smile._

* * *

Romano felt himself become tense as he recalled that moment, a few tears slipping when he realized it would never happen again. The bed he now laid in felt cold and lonely now that he was the only one sleeping in it. His eyes snapped open, looking up at the dark ceiling, the only light coming from the dimly lit hallway. He couldn't take this, why couldn't he just suck up his pride, and…He never finished that thought, realizing that thinking any further on the matter was only going to bring him anguish. He soon found himself drifting into a nightmare filled sleep.

_"Lovi~" a voice cooed, arms wrapping around Romano's waist and soft kisses being pressed to his neck, only resulting in the Spaniard being pushed away, It wasn't to hurt him. Romano never really meant to hurt him, He was afraid. Afraid of being hurt, so he put up walls around his heart. Never let anyone get close to him. If he didn't get attached to something, if it didn't get close to him, it couldn't hurt him. His logic was stupid; he knew this, because if he was already attached to something…Why continue to push it away? He didn't know. Maybe now it was just a habit. _

* * *

Romano thrashed, recalling memories of the Spaniard, putting him through so much pain. He wished he could become numb, just slowly fade until he couldn't feel anything anymore. He just wanted it to go away. This pain he was feeling. He shook his head, he wouldn't drink. He wouldn't. He made a promise to himself. He would never consume alcohol again. He had gone 3 months. 3 months sober.

_A scream echoed throughout the room as well as the sound of glass shattering, Romano had one hand in his hair, tugging on the strands as if he were trying to pull his hair out. The wine bottle he had thrown lay shattered on the floor; he staggered slightly, trying to walk to the broken glass. The Spaniard stood in the doorway, a frightened look on his face, he started to walk toward Romano. _

_"I-I'll clean it up…"_

_"Just go to bed dammit! I'm capable of cleaning up glass on my own."_

_"I-I just want to help Lovi…" _

_"Well I don't need it!"_

_The Spaniard got up and hesitantly walked back to the bedroom, but peeked out from the doorway, making sure the other hadn't cut himself on the glass. Once all the glass was cleaned up, he quickly went to bed. He knew Romano would be angry if he knew he was watching. _

Romano jolted, a tightening in his chest, his head was pounding. He would never be able to forget him, and he now wondered what made him think it would easy to forget him in the first place. He loved him, Romano loved him so much it hurt, but he wasn't good enough. There were so many things he should of done, but didn't. He should have told him he loved him, he shouldn't have pushed him away. There were so many things he did wrong. But this one thing should make up for it, Romano wasn't good enough, He deserved much better. Why did he even choose Romano in the first place? He was the unloved one, the one who couldn't do anything right. So…why him?

_Romano held a canvas in one hand, paints and paintbrushes in the other as he walked up the stairs to the attic. He was hoping no one had seen him head up there, he opened the door, it making a loud creaking noise, he tried to close it as quietly as possible. The attic was dusty and crowded with all sorts of things; he looked around, soon finding a clear spot to set his painting supplies. He was very determined to surpass his brother today; he was going to paint today._

_His brother had always been better than him, better at cooking, cleaning, expressing his feelings. Everything. But for some reason, He felt maybe, just maybe he could be better at this one thing. He began to paint, and as the hours went by, his painting got more detailed, more of the picture being shown. He made longs strokes, trying to blend the colors better. He stopped once to look at the half finished painting, smiling softly to himself, thinking it looked good for all the time he had spent on it. _

_But once he had finished it, and looked at it once again, he realized he had just wasted his time. Now that he looked at his painting, the sunset was too dark, and the colors didn't seem to blend properly, the land in his painting looked horrible, and he realized he would never be better than his brother at anything. He jumped a little, startled at the knock on the attic door. _

_"Lovi~" he heard the Spaniard call him, it being muffled with the door closed. The door creaked as it was opened once again and Romano shuffled about trying to hide his painting but it was too late. The Spaniard had already seen it and was looking at the horrible painting, Romano tried to pull it away from him but he kept a firm grip, still looking intently at the painting. _

_"L-Lovi…This is amazing." _

_Romano huffed, still trying to get his painting back. "No it isn't…It's horrible, Veneciano's is much better." Romano watched as the Spaniard turned to face him, wide eyed. _

_"How can you say something like that? Your painting is beautiful." _

_"Tch…Think whatever you want…I'm still going to believe it's horrible." _

_"You shouldn't think that Lovi~ Can I keep it?"_

_"Sure…I don't care."_

_Romano pushed past him walking out of the attic and stomping down the stairs. _

* * *

Romano wanted the Spaniard to hate him. That way if he left Romano wouldn't of had to do it himself. It didn't end up that way, Romano had to leave, how could he not hate him by now? Eventually, you would have hurt me. That is what he told himself. He couldn't believe he didn't break down that day.

_"We need to end this…" Romano broke the silence, his gaze at the floor, he couldn't bare to look at the Spaniard. Whose eyes were now wide in disbelief. _

_"W-What…?" his voice was filled with hurt and confusion. Romano of course didn't really want to leave the other. But in his mind, he had no choice. The Spaniard deserved better than him. He gave small sigh._

_"You heard me…"_

_"B-But why?" _

_That was a question he was hoping wouldn't be asked, but of course he had to make this difficult. _

_"You deserve better…" he mumbled, thinking he might as well tell the truth. _

_"What?" _

_"You deserve better than me. Someone that will love you, not push you away…" he mumbled the last part. He hesitated before looking up at the Spaniard. He instantly regret it as he saw tears fill those emerald orbs. He looked away. _

_"How could you do this to me?" he heard the other whisper softly, his voice filled with sadness and hurt. He couldn't respond, so he ran away._

_He was halfway down the road, all the memories coming back to him, tears filled his hazel eyes as he remembered everything. Every whisper of Te Amo, Every Hug, Kiss. Everything. And now it was gone, all because he was afraid to get hurt. _

_"No...He wasn't afraid, he was doing this for the others sake. he cant go back to him now...no matter how much he wanted to. He deserves better than him."_

* * *

Sunlight shone in through the curtains, Romano still lay on his bed, his clothes disheveled, and his eyes were still red and puffy from crying. He cursed as he heard a knock on the door; he didn't get up, just planning to ignore whoever was at his door at this time in the morning. But then the knock came louder and more urgent. He groaned as he got up, getting off the bed and slowly making his way to the front door.

He rubbed at his temples. He had such a bad headache; he might as well have a hangover. Not even checking through the peep hole to see who was outside and not really caring at the moment, he opened the door. His eyes widening as he saw familiar emerald green eyes.

"W-What the hell are you doing here bastard!?" he shouted in slight disbelief.

Arms wrapped around him and he squirmed trying to get away.

"I don't want you to leave me. I love you too much to let that happen Lovi."

Romano's vision went blurry, tears gathering in his eyes again, one running down his cheek. He didn't want to respond, but he knew he had to say something. He also realized, he couldn't live without the Spaniard. He managed a small smile.

He allowed his eyes to flutter closed as his lips were captured in a gentle kiss. He pulled back just slightly, murmuring against the Spaniards lips.

"I love you too…"

* * *

Authors Note.

I added in some things. and fixed this a bit. Im still not sure about a second chapter.


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